I am so angry I'm actually seeing red. Have just sat and watched a documentary on Channel 4 called; The Queen's hidden cousins. Five cousins hid in a mental hospital, because they were a 'social embarrassment' Two of which were reported in a census as being dead. These particular two sisters apparently recieved no Christmas or Birthday presents from the family, one of them had only nursing staff in attendance at their funeral.
"It would be better for them and their commiunity if they had never been born" ~ a quote from a Doctor at the time.
They had 'communal' clothing, shared between a large number of people. They were dressed up if they had visitors, if not they were left in urine soaked clothes.
If any of them misbehaved they were punished, made to conform to the institutions rules; punishments include drugging them.
I find it astonishing how the Queen denies or doesn't speak of this, yet she and her Mother before her were heavily involved with Mencap.
50+ years ago society said it was alright/normal to lock the less fortunate among us away, hideous, selfish and at times barbaric. To keep these people as prisoners is shocking, to deny them a life when they obviously have sense of the world. It said in the documentary that every time the royal family was on the telly or newspapers the Bowes-Lyon sisters Curtseyed - they obviously had some memories of their family, and the mental acuity to recognise them.
I can't believe the person in which our country looks to as the sovereign, the Queen hasn't publically acknowledged this. Yes I understand it was part of society, the norm in them days; but you'd think she would speak about it. I guess in her patronage to mencap has perhaps shown she and her Mother knew it was wrong.
Also having close personal experience with this I recognise the views instilled in people of her generation. They didn't talk about it, the children were ignored, the conversation containing the diagnosis filed away in that tiny part of the brain that clearly states 'not for public consumption' But I've also experienced the genuinely interested person of the Queens generation, someone who is inquisitive and asks questions. Pauses to think about it then says "There were a lot of children like that when I was younger, those people got sent to Lennox Castle, I'm glad they've finally found out and given it a name. No longer will these poor people suffer" - funnily enough Lennox Castle is where the singer Lulu was born :)
I feel incredibly privileged to have, grown up with and continue to learn from my two brothers. While their disability is not at first apparent, they have taught every single person that meets them so much. And continue to do so every day. From their eccentric behaviour, to their superior intellect and their wonderful sense of humour. I am honoured to have them in my life and couldn't imagine a time without them. They annoy the hell out of me, but I only need to say, if I need them and their the first ones there to comfort me, or tell me to wisen the hell up!
I am sad that the sigma still exists to this day, I wish people would recognise the disabled and cherish them, for that's what they are meant for....
Thursday, 17 November 2011
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Autism.
So today is world Autism awareness day. April is Autism awareness month, yet there still seem so many people who do not know about autism; perhaps even don’t care?
It never really occurred to me before I read @Fatal_Romantic blog that there are SO many siblings of kids with autism out there, each and everyone of us experiencing the same or similar things. Situations, emotions. Perhaps that is ignorant of me, for not considering it before now. I’m not insensitive towards the challenges having a family member with autism presents, I am guilty however of not giving ‘others out there’ much thought. Which is wrong, I am certain we’ve all been asked the aged old question - or perhaps it’s a statement? “Isn’t it extremely hard growing up in a house where someone is autistic” - My automatic response “I don’t know. I’ve never known anything else”
This is true, I was four when J was born, I had been spoiled rotten by my Parents and other family members. I had an air of jealousy surrounding my brothers birth, which was natural right? He was a happy bouncy baby, he slept well and ate well. Mum had to wake him up to feed him, which amused her friends no end.
I am not entirely sure when they first noticed something wasn’t quite right with him. From what I remember of him as a toddler he would sit on the living-room floor with his legs crossed on a blanket (he didn’t like the feel of the carpet), with his ‘world of bugs’ book carefully balanced on his lap. He would stare at the pictures and words for hours. Quietly taking it all in. Then on dull days, he would go out into the garden with our dog to ‘explore’ I can always remember the image of a small blonde haired boy standing at the bottom of the garden, infront of the drooping cherry tree and vibrant flowers; his black labrador sitting faithfully by his side. The two of them staying in the same position for what seemed like hours, watching the bees and other insects. There were times when even then I stopped to watch him, it never struck me as ‘odd’ I just envied his patience. Sometimes it would start to rain and he wouldn’t even notice.
When he wasn’t transfixed by the bees he was pulling up the rocks in the garden, collecting all the bugs he could find; carefully putting them into a box. Separating the ones that were ‘enemies’ as he said. He would present this box to our Mum, then continue to rattle off the different names of each bug.
J was always talking about his ‘obsession’ every single fact you didn’t need to know spilled from his innocent mouth.
As he grew up his ‘special interests’ changed, from bugs to space, then to play station. I remember in primary school, everyone asking me if he was my brother; because he would get scared or react to situations people could not fathom. They didn’t understand his unique traits and behaviour, they simply labelled him as a ‘bad little boy’ which wasn’t fair. I stuck up for him even then.
He was finally diagnosed at age 12, a rather lovely head teacher in his Primary School noticed he exhibited classic signs of Autism. I don’t know if Mum was relived? or just happy someone else finally saw what she’d been saying for years. It got to the point where she thought everyone thought she was ‘mad’ It was certainly a weight lifted. Although after his diagnosis things were tough. I imagine it is hard to be told there is ‘something’ wrong with your child, no matter if you already ‘knew’ hearing those words must have hurt, I think it broke her heart. No matter how long she’d yearned to ‘know’ the reality both my parents hard.
@Fatal_Romantic said something in her blog;
“There is that dramatic line, “I would die for you.” There are very few people I would say “I would kill for.” My brother is one of those very few people.”
I feel the exact same about my brothers.
One particular situation sticks in the forefront of my mind, I was 15 and had recently joined fire cadets at my local fire station. I loved it, every minute of it. I quickly became enthralled in everything and I rose to ‘leading fire cadet’ - this was something that made my Parents proud. I met the Queen & was introduced as “The first female leading fire cadet in the UK”
J was nearing his 12th birthday, a week away. This was the youngest a person could be for joining cadets. I had made friends with one of the instructors daughters, this instructor was a primary school teacher and also had several degrees in Psychology. They came from a extremely affluent area of the city, I had mentioned to this instructor before I had a brother who had Asperger’s Syndrome. She spoke to me for ages, asking questions and telling me things I already knew. Then she said to me;
“You know it’s very rare for Parents who have an autistic child to stay together” - me 15 years old, I can honestly say a little bit of me died then.
So J applied to fire cadets, he was all excited, I would come home and tell him everything that happened. I figured the more I told him about what the routine was like the easier it would be for him to ‘adapt’. For around two weeks it’s all he would talk about. He even pestered me to bring my folder home, in which contained everything a ‘fire cadet’ needed to know. From how to tie knots to the command structure within the fire brigade.
He studied the whole folder, by the time he read it once he had memorised every single word. Mum got a phone call a few days later saying he hadn’t been accepted this time. He was gutted, devastated. I was angry.
I phoned my friend, the daughter of said instructor - both her Parents were the ‘main’ people of the cadets. My friend A fired up her Mum’s computer and accessed the fire cadet files, she opened the applications folder and skimmed through the names of people applying until she reached my brothers. It still makes my blood boil even now
“Applications rejected on the grounds of health and safety . Applicant is Autistic so therefore poses a danger to other cadets”
This written by the woman who said she ‘knew everything about autism’ she was a disgrace to her profession and a truly nasty person.
There were SO many kids that attended cadets that had severe behavioural issues. J paled in comparison.
Just another example of people who should know better, but still fall back into the stereotypical view of someone who has Autism.
This is just a tiny miniscule part of the challenges my family has faced over the last 20 or so years. There are a lot more, there are SO many ignorant and quite frankly rude people in this word. Some of which like above should know better. Mum tells the boys when the encounter such people
“They can't understand, feel sorry for them as they are new souls, they will learn their lesson in some way’
It helps them to understand it a little. Only recently has J who is 21 openly told people/his friends he is Autistic, he’s scared of the reaction he’ll get. Scared that they’ll stop talking to him, or think differently of him. I am pleased to say his fears were unjustified. The majority of the responses from his friends have been “wow I didn’t even realise” - I don’t know if that is due to the amazing friends he has surrounded himself with or the inquisitiveness of his generation. But I am thankful to each and everyone of them, they are true friends. They know if he’s finding a situation hard and is likely to freak out just how to calm him down.
Autism awareness is very important to me, I can’t help but think the number of people ‘out there’ who have never heard of this condition. How many Parents are teetering on the edge of a precipice, knowing something is wrong, but nobody is listening or seeing what they do. Children with Autism should be given the support they need, they should be nurtured and most importantly understood.
It never really occurred to me before I read @Fatal_Romantic blog that there are SO many siblings of kids with autism out there, each and everyone of us experiencing the same or similar things. Situations, emotions. Perhaps that is ignorant of me, for not considering it before now. I’m not insensitive towards the challenges having a family member with autism presents, I am guilty however of not giving ‘others out there’ much thought. Which is wrong, I am certain we’ve all been asked the aged old question - or perhaps it’s a statement? “Isn’t it extremely hard growing up in a house where someone is autistic” - My automatic response “I don’t know. I’ve never known anything else”
This is true, I was four when J was born, I had been spoiled rotten by my Parents and other family members. I had an air of jealousy surrounding my brothers birth, which was natural right? He was a happy bouncy baby, he slept well and ate well. Mum had to wake him up to feed him, which amused her friends no end.
I am not entirely sure when they first noticed something wasn’t quite right with him. From what I remember of him as a toddler he would sit on the living-room floor with his legs crossed on a blanket (he didn’t like the feel of the carpet), with his ‘world of bugs’ book carefully balanced on his lap. He would stare at the pictures and words for hours. Quietly taking it all in. Then on dull days, he would go out into the garden with our dog to ‘explore’ I can always remember the image of a small blonde haired boy standing at the bottom of the garden, infront of the drooping cherry tree and vibrant flowers; his black labrador sitting faithfully by his side. The two of them staying in the same position for what seemed like hours, watching the bees and other insects. There were times when even then I stopped to watch him, it never struck me as ‘odd’ I just envied his patience. Sometimes it would start to rain and he wouldn’t even notice.
When he wasn’t transfixed by the bees he was pulling up the rocks in the garden, collecting all the bugs he could find; carefully putting them into a box. Separating the ones that were ‘enemies’ as he said. He would present this box to our Mum, then continue to rattle off the different names of each bug.
J was always talking about his ‘obsession’ every single fact you didn’t need to know spilled from his innocent mouth.
As he grew up his ‘special interests’ changed, from bugs to space, then to play station. I remember in primary school, everyone asking me if he was my brother; because he would get scared or react to situations people could not fathom. They didn’t understand his unique traits and behaviour, they simply labelled him as a ‘bad little boy’ which wasn’t fair. I stuck up for him even then.
He was finally diagnosed at age 12, a rather lovely head teacher in his Primary School noticed he exhibited classic signs of Autism. I don’t know if Mum was relived? or just happy someone else finally saw what she’d been saying for years. It got to the point where she thought everyone thought she was ‘mad’ It was certainly a weight lifted. Although after his diagnosis things were tough. I imagine it is hard to be told there is ‘something’ wrong with your child, no matter if you already ‘knew’ hearing those words must have hurt, I think it broke her heart. No matter how long she’d yearned to ‘know’ the reality both my parents hard.
@Fatal_Romantic said something in her blog;
“There is that dramatic line, “I would die for you.” There are very few people I would say “I would kill for.” My brother is one of those very few people.”
I feel the exact same about my brothers.
One particular situation sticks in the forefront of my mind, I was 15 and had recently joined fire cadets at my local fire station. I loved it, every minute of it. I quickly became enthralled in everything and I rose to ‘leading fire cadet’ - this was something that made my Parents proud. I met the Queen & was introduced as “The first female leading fire cadet in the UK”
J was nearing his 12th birthday, a week away. This was the youngest a person could be for joining cadets. I had made friends with one of the instructors daughters, this instructor was a primary school teacher and also had several degrees in Psychology. They came from a extremely affluent area of the city, I had mentioned to this instructor before I had a brother who had Asperger’s Syndrome. She spoke to me for ages, asking questions and telling me things I already knew. Then she said to me;
“You know it’s very rare for Parents who have an autistic child to stay together” - me 15 years old, I can honestly say a little bit of me died then.
So J applied to fire cadets, he was all excited, I would come home and tell him everything that happened. I figured the more I told him about what the routine was like the easier it would be for him to ‘adapt’. For around two weeks it’s all he would talk about. He even pestered me to bring my folder home, in which contained everything a ‘fire cadet’ needed to know. From how to tie knots to the command structure within the fire brigade.
He studied the whole folder, by the time he read it once he had memorised every single word. Mum got a phone call a few days later saying he hadn’t been accepted this time. He was gutted, devastated. I was angry.
I phoned my friend, the daughter of said instructor - both her Parents were the ‘main’ people of the cadets. My friend A fired up her Mum’s computer and accessed the fire cadet files, she opened the applications folder and skimmed through the names of people applying until she reached my brothers. It still makes my blood boil even now
“Applications rejected on the grounds of health and safety . Applicant is Autistic so therefore poses a danger to other cadets”
This written by the woman who said she ‘knew everything about autism’ she was a disgrace to her profession and a truly nasty person.
There were SO many kids that attended cadets that had severe behavioural issues. J paled in comparison.
Just another example of people who should know better, but still fall back into the stereotypical view of someone who has Autism.
This is just a tiny miniscule part of the challenges my family has faced over the last 20 or so years. There are a lot more, there are SO many ignorant and quite frankly rude people in this word. Some of which like above should know better. Mum tells the boys when the encounter such people
“They can't understand, feel sorry for them as they are new souls, they will learn their lesson in some way’
It helps them to understand it a little. Only recently has J who is 21 openly told people/his friends he is Autistic, he’s scared of the reaction he’ll get. Scared that they’ll stop talking to him, or think differently of him. I am pleased to say his fears were unjustified. The majority of the responses from his friends have been “wow I didn’t even realise” - I don’t know if that is due to the amazing friends he has surrounded himself with or the inquisitiveness of his generation. But I am thankful to each and everyone of them, they are true friends. They know if he’s finding a situation hard and is likely to freak out just how to calm him down.
Autism awareness is very important to me, I can’t help but think the number of people ‘out there’ who have never heard of this condition. How many Parents are teetering on the edge of a precipice, knowing something is wrong, but nobody is listening or seeing what they do. Children with Autism should be given the support they need, they should be nurtured and most importantly understood.
Sunday, 6 March 2011
Memories...
I'm a little new to all this blogging stuff.. But thought I would give it a try, I can't promise everything and or anything I write will be interesting; what have I got to lose though?
Upon having a debate with a friend as to whether or not I should go on a 'date' with an old boyfriend the following memory crept it's way into my mind, via writing on a forum.
Stunningly beautiful summer's day in the Park, the sky a luscious shade of blue, the sun softly casting rays of light across the calm Loch, the rolling hill behind us, people lying on the grass sun bathing all over the hill up towards the castle. Me and my 3 friends sitting on the 'jetty' two BMX's casually lying beside us. Our bare feet dangling off the side into the cold calming water.
Our topic of conversation I remember well, David & John were debating the likely outcome of hauling the bikes up to the castle, at the top of a rather steep hill & launching off down the first steep dip & onto the expanse of luscious green grass that all the locals had spread out on to catch a wee bit of sun. We couldn't agree, one thought we'd get chased of some random hard man when we accidentally run over his toe.. or something.. The other thought we'd get smacked by a bottle or two..
So here we are, casually waiting on my boyfriend, discussing possible ways to make mischeif - all the while sat in the most beautiful and idyllic spot.. The sun is shining, it's warm. What a brilliant day. (Bottle of ye old vodka carefully stashed for later) Y'know usual things 15 year olds do..
So mid argument over if we should 'chance it and jump into the loch' ended with me going "fuck it" ran & jumped off the edge
Followed by Jo & David.. So there we were dunking each other & having an epic banter in the Loch.. then we hear.
"Who the fucks that dick?? He think he's fuckin SAS or somethin" John shouts from the jetty.. so me & Jo pull ourselves up out of the water for a looksee...
"LAURA THAT"S YOUR BOYFRIEND" - yes he turned up to the park in his FULL army cadet uniform.. Full on CAMO gear on a scorching summers day.. Strutting about as if he was a real solider.. cap on & everything.. *cringeatmemory* - My 15 year old self was completely mortified.. I won't lie I tried to drown myself..
- so we got out as he reached us.. the boys sized him up.. & all I could think was "who's going to have a go first' - David steps forward, looks him up & down.
"Alright, I'm David" The boyfriend nods & holds his hand out - polite yes, but at this stage of 'teenage' life its cringe-worthy.. You don't shake hands like old men.. I died..
"So" David said "We were tryin to think what would those folk up there do if the ploughed through them on the bikes?" I held my breath.. I swear I was ready to hot foot it out of there.. Lee was a bit of a geek & I expected a nerdy response.. So I pushed David Back Grabbed his bike & said "Why don't we find out then?" - David never let anyone near his precious bike except me
After an agonizing push to the top of the hill, the five of us stood with the two bikes.. I jump on the pegs of Davids BMX & Jo on John's.. - "Errr sorry mate ur gona av to run" one of the boys said as we kicked off..
We didn't hit anyone or anything, but one of the biggest adrenaline rushes of my life. I turned round halfway down the hill & saw Lee running like a fucking chicken on crack.. & thought
"Why am I with him?"
Got to the bottom & asked David if I could borrow his bike.. he looked at me as if he was gona kill me. "Aye, but am on eh pegs right' so I cycle over to an out of breath boyfriend, David standing on the pegs, arms placed on my shoulders.
"Look,I really don't want to go out with you anymore.. Byeeeee" and cycled away with David pissin himself laughing..
Lee was and still is a bit odd, it's hard to remember everything.. but there was something 'off' about him.. So back to the point.. He added me on Fb then somehow got my BB pin - See for the last two weeks he's not left me alone "I love you, we should be together" "I've wanted you for years"
That's the decision made, there was obviously a reason I ended our brief relationship nine years ago.. By his recent 'communications' nothing much for him has changed. If anything he's become 'sleazy' - A note to self, stay away from Ex's :)
Upon having a debate with a friend as to whether or not I should go on a 'date' with an old boyfriend the following memory crept it's way into my mind, via writing on a forum.
Stunningly beautiful summer's day in the Park, the sky a luscious shade of blue, the sun softly casting rays of light across the calm Loch, the rolling hill behind us, people lying on the grass sun bathing all over the hill up towards the castle. Me and my 3 friends sitting on the 'jetty' two BMX's casually lying beside us. Our bare feet dangling off the side into the cold calming water.
Our topic of conversation I remember well, David & John were debating the likely outcome of hauling the bikes up to the castle, at the top of a rather steep hill & launching off down the first steep dip & onto the expanse of luscious green grass that all the locals had spread out on to catch a wee bit of sun. We couldn't agree, one thought we'd get chased of some random hard man when we accidentally run over his toe.. or something.. The other thought we'd get smacked by a bottle or two..
So here we are, casually waiting on my boyfriend, discussing possible ways to make mischeif - all the while sat in the most beautiful and idyllic spot.. The sun is shining, it's warm. What a brilliant day. (Bottle of ye old vodka carefully stashed for later) Y'know usual things 15 year olds do..
So mid argument over if we should 'chance it and jump into the loch' ended with me going "fuck it" ran & jumped off the edge
Followed by Jo & David.. So there we were dunking each other & having an epic banter in the Loch.. then we hear."Who the fucks that dick?? He think he's fuckin SAS or somethin" John shouts from the jetty.. so me & Jo pull ourselves up out of the water for a looksee...
"LAURA THAT"S YOUR BOYFRIEND" - yes he turned up to the park in his FULL army cadet uniform.. Full on CAMO gear on a scorching summers day.. Strutting about as if he was a real solider.. cap on & everything.. *cringeatmemory* - My 15 year old self was completely mortified.. I won't lie I tried to drown myself..
- so we got out as he reached us.. the boys sized him up.. & all I could think was "who's going to have a go first' - David steps forward, looks him up & down."Alright, I'm David" The boyfriend nods & holds his hand out - polite yes, but at this stage of 'teenage' life its cringe-worthy.. You don't shake hands like old men.. I died..
"So" David said "We were tryin to think what would those folk up there do if the ploughed through them on the bikes?" I held my breath.. I swear I was ready to hot foot it out of there.. Lee was a bit of a geek & I expected a nerdy response.. So I pushed David Back Grabbed his bike & said "Why don't we find out then?" - David never let anyone near his precious bike except me
After an agonizing push to the top of the hill, the five of us stood with the two bikes.. I jump on the pegs of Davids BMX & Jo on John's.. - "Errr sorry mate ur gona av to run" one of the boys said as we kicked off..
We didn't hit anyone or anything, but one of the biggest adrenaline rushes of my life. I turned round halfway down the hill & saw Lee running like a fucking chicken on crack.. & thought
"Why am I with him?"
Got to the bottom & asked David if I could borrow his bike.. he looked at me as if he was gona kill me. "Aye, but am on eh pegs right' so I cycle over to an out of breath boyfriend, David standing on the pegs, arms placed on my shoulders.
"Look,I really don't want to go out with you anymore.. Byeeeee" and cycled away with David pissin himself laughing..
Lee was and still is a bit odd, it's hard to remember everything.. but there was something 'off' about him.. So back to the point.. He added me on Fb then somehow got my BB pin - See for the last two weeks he's not left me alone "I love you, we should be together" "I've wanted you for years"
That's the decision made, there was obviously a reason I ended our brief relationship nine years ago.. By his recent 'communications' nothing much for him has changed. If anything he's become 'sleazy' - A note to self, stay away from Ex's :)
Monday, 28 February 2011
Her name on his lips sounds the way moonlight should, whispery soft and silver in the darkness. She revels in his warmth, in the feeling of her body trapped beneath his. She doesn't realize she is crying until he begins to kiss the tears away.
There are images imprinted on the inside of her eyelids that she ignores. Flashes of memory, all the colours faded into blues and greens and greys, like a week-old bruise that has started to disappear but still hurts to the touch.
Everyone lies. Everyone has secrets; she knows. This is something she has witnessed every single day at work. It is one of the unspoken rules of the universe. She is no exception.
That may be her biggest secret of all.
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